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More photos

Probably nobody will be interested in this, but I was inspired by raedbard to post some pics of my bookshelf. If anyone else feels so inclined you could spam this thread with photos of your own books and DVDs. I'd be delighted. :)

Spring Picspam

Hellooo. I got locked out of the house yesterday and had to kill time for an hour. So I went for a wander and took some photos. Ah, the joys of Spring. I also jazzed up a couple of older pics.

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I'm going to see Bill Bailey in November!! 

EEEEPPP!!

I love Dylan Moran. I love Black Books. My love for Bill Bailey continues unabated.

That is all. Have some Dylan.

Thou Shalt not question Stephen Fry

I had a hilarious time on the bus yesterday, and by hilarious I mean horrendous.  I'm sat at the back because it's the only seat available, next to this very fat guy who keeps spreading himself out inside my personal space.  And staring.  He was fascinated by my mp3 player.  He stared and stared at it until I eventuall put it away.  Then he stared at my hand for a while and then randomly stared at the rest of me.  It was disconcering and irritating.  Then this man got on and stood right in front of me and he smelt to bad!  When the guy next to me finally got off, he flashed a disturbing ass crack before hiking up his jogging bottoms.  This girl caught my eye and gave me a look.  I was trying not to laugh.

Then when I was getting on the bus to go home I dropped my fucking bus fare under the fucking bus.  The driver kindly drove forward a bit so I could snatch up my money.  It was hilarious.

This puts me in mind of another time years ago, when I was sat next to this seriously strange man who kept shuffling closer to me every time I tried to put some space between us.  He stared too, but in an altogether more deranged manner.  When I got up for my stop he leapt up too and got off.  He hung around as if to follow me.  I was a bit freaked by this time.  He then asked me where I lived!!  I just walked away and thankfully he didn't follow.

Public transport fun!  You can't beat it.  Has anyone had any transport adventures?  I bet you all have.  :)

I've just caught up with the track Though Shalt Always Kill, which lots of folk have mentioned.  It mentions Stephen Fry so it rocks.  If anyone can find it, try and download the track Let Me Borrow That Top by Kelly.  It makes me laugh.
Oh my.  Profuse apologies for the swearing in my last post.  I like a bit of a curse now and then (okay lots) but when I read the post back today it seemed a bit overboard.  lol.  I guess I was a bit worked up.  :)

Welcome to all my lovely new friends who joined today, who aren't really new at all of course but have been kind enough to follow me over here.  I hope you enjoy your visits.  I might need to spruce the place up a bit, it's a bit plain at the moment.

And, again, thank you for the support lately.  Your words have really reached me when I needed them most.  I'm going to have a block of 6 sessions, concentrating mostly on CBT.  I really hope it is going to help me, although I'm not convinced that 6 sessions can erase a lifetime of erroneous self-talk.  :(  We shall see.  I remain hopeful.

I've just discovered these great tv streaming sites.  I can't believe I hadn't heard of them before!  Are you all aware of Guba, alluc and TV Links?  Hours of fun to be had!  I've watched Life on Mars and caught up on Grey's Anatomy and now I'm working my way through Doctor Who.  The question is, what do I move onto next?  I've been thinking The Wire, Heroes or Rome.  Anyone have any recommendations?

And have I mentioned 43 Things?  I'm loving that site at the moment.

Did I mention I'd started smoking?  Stress, fuck it all to hell.  I smoked 5 today.  Bah.



Fuck.  There's nothing like an unbelievable tragedy to put your own problems into perspective.  I've been worried about my appointment tomorrow but at least I get to wake up tomorrow.  At least I have a future.  Another fucking shooting.  What the fuck is wrong with this world?  Sort the fucking gun laws out!!  How many more times must this happen?
I went to the gym on Wednesday, intent on swimming, and there was a brat in the pool.  I thought I was going to drown, and I wasn't even in the water.  I have never seen another human being flail and splash around so much.  So I had a nice sauna instead, but it wasn't exercise which is what I need to exorcise the depression demons.  I went to my nana's after that and seen my cousin and aunt for the first time in about 6 years!  It was lovely and I hope I can see more of my cousin.  Apart from my nana I'm not close to my family at all, which is a real shame because as a kid I would see my family every day.  That's the way it goes sometimes with families.

Last night I started to watch The Wire but I was so tired I couldn't keep awake.  Has anyone seen it?  Is it any good?  I recently got into Life on Mars but only because it had a rather obvious Ship in it and I'm such a sucker for romance.  :)

My depression has not lifted yet, although it is mild.  The mornings are the worst; if it wasn't for work I wouldn't get out of bed at all.  I have an appointment with a psychologist for an assessment on Tuesday and I am SHITTING MYSELF, but somehow I feel stronger and pretty brave for going through with this.  I'm starting to suspect very strongly that I also suffer from social anxiety, which is why I have practically no social life.  I spend more time in the house than going out and I tell myself that I prefer it that way.  What I don't know is if I genuinely would rather stay in than go out and get pissed (drinking alcohol has never been that appealing to me and I hate being around drunk people in pubs and clubs) or if it is the social anxiety talking.  Whenever I do go out drinking I usually have a great time but then the next day I'm back to my usual self, convinced I'm more a stay-at-home type.  This time last week I was desperate for a night out because I believed it would be the magical cure to all my worries (if only I could get a life, etc) but when I was asked out this evening I made an excuse.  And here I am, sitting in on a Friday night again.

I took the leibowitz social anxiety test and scored 71, which is "marked social anxiety".  Another issue to deal with then.  :(

In any event, I suspect that every single one of my problems can be traced back to one root cause - low self esteem.  I'm hoping that a psychologist can help me with that.

I just looked out the window and there is fog swirling past the window.  Spooky!
Hmm, I've not been updating this journal much, so I might start now by sharing all the exciting and new things that I do every day.  </sarcasm>

Easter weekend was pretty much a non-event.  I haven't celebrated Easter since I was little so it was no big deal really.  Went shopping on Friday and bought a pair of jeans, then sat on the front doorstep enjoying the sun and admiring all the little flowers coming through.  I'll post  photos of my little garden when it starts to bloom fully.  On Saturday I didn't leave the house at all.  I went online and started watching video clips of Never Mind the Buzzcocks and before I knew it the day was over.  I was so caught up in all the Bill Bailey love.  Sunday was more of the same - I decided to check out Life on Mars and ended up watching loads back to back.  Sigh.  On Monday I had a burst of energy and cleaned my room.  Everyone with wood flooring will sympathise when I moan about how much dust and fluff and hair and shit gather around the tv and under the bed.  I was sweeping and mopping madly and still there was more!!  Good workout though.  Today is my last day before going back to work, the thought of which makes me deeply unhappy.  I'm pissed off at myself that I've wasted a long weekend by lounging around the house yet again so... I'm off swimming.  I don't have much water confidence at all but I always feel better after coming out the gym so I'm going to do it.